I have had a lot of obstacles to overcome throughout my life that a lot of people don’t usually have to experience. My thoughts and emotions are often tied into my illnesses. When I’m manic, I’m almost a completely different person than when I’m lucid or depressed. I hear and see things that other people don’t and sometimes I have trouble telling what is real.
However, despite the challenges, pain and struggle my mental illnesses have created for me, I have managed to find a beauty in the madness.
The way I see the world is so special to me and I would never give that up for anything.
The compassion and love I have for others extends beyond the people I am personally invested in. I believe because of my own pain and sorrow it makes me a lot more understanding, compassionate and caring toward others who may be struggling.
Since social etiquette doesn’t come naturally to me, I am always working to be aware of how I treat people and what I say.
I am constantly plagued with thoughts of suicide and self harm when I am in the thrall of depression. I have tried to kill myself many times and I am branded inside and out with the scars from self inflicted wounding. In spite of all that, I try even harder to see the beauty and meaning in this world. I fight every day to keep finding reasons to stay and that struggle has helped me to appreciate life so much more.
It would be very easy for me to just give up and succumb to my illnesses, but life is too short and I have too much I need and want to do to give up the fight.
If I can help other people by sharing my journey with them than I will do whatever I can.
I don’t think of myself as a victim nor do I think I am better than anyone else.
I am just a person, I’m just me.